I hurt myself everyday
2013-09-01
I went to the worst of bars, I did the worst things a girl can imagine in the middle of the night, in a big town hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again and then I woke up in my bed to the same nightmare I always wake up to. My life. You know. I don't want to wake up anymore. I really don't want to. It is really painful for me to wake up. You know when you wake up from a nightmare, you are really relieved. And you are glad that it was "just a dream". But I have reversed nightmares and wake up to them everyday. I hate it.
I just want to sit in this empty and dark room and pretend I'm gone. Pretend that I actually killed myself. Then I notice that no one would care. No one would notice. No one would actually pay attention to what happend. They are always curious. People would and could pretend that they knew me. Say that maybe they always cared. That I meant so much to them.
Because everybody start to care when it's all too late.
